First Year of College

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This is a little late. July is just around the corner but classes ended in Mid-May. Better late than never.

The first year of college is an experience I will never forget. There were so many ups and downs throughout the year.

Classes are a story all in their own. Some classes would kill you with the work load while others were so easy that I could write or use my phone and still get an A. It all depended on the subject and the professor so this is not a one-size-fits all situation. However, once you get into your 3000 and 4000 level courses, junior and senior, then the classes are more difficult and attention has to be paid.

Involvement is something very important and something to look into while in college. Involvement makes connections and connections are important in your life further down the line. Whether it be in making connections that land an internship or a job, or connections to get into graduate school, or a simple reference, being involved in any sort of organization on campus will give you a boost during your time in college. By making the connections early on during your freshman year, it is even better as the people you connect with will know you more by the end of your undergraduate career.

People you meet either in class or in clubs is also another part of the college experience. Some people you will meet and click with in a heartbeat, becoming amazing friends. Others will rub-off against you like oil does to water; they just can’t mix. Some can hide, and it will take practice to find out who those people are that are pretending to be friends but are just there to be popular and have a large friend group. Among those people could be possible romantic interests, as I have seen many friends enter relationships during their first year of college.

Lastly, there could be much more to write but I want to keep it short and sweet, there is the aspect of being away from family. There are people that live with family and drive to college, but my focus is on being away from family because that is what I know. The one thing I know for sure for my friends that are commuters is that many had family issues because the family wanted to see them more, but it wasn’t as easy as going to school and studying at home like in high school.

Being away from home put a strain on my family and me. It isn’t easy, was never easy and won’t be easy for the next few years. Having a support system is important, whether it be close friends, family, or even clubs. I managed to find that in Greek life but not everyone has to do that. During the academic year, I would become ill more frequently due to stress and not knowing how to cope. Without my family nearby, I would often wonder how I could handle being alone. I could but also couldn’t. Missing family was also a big proponent, having spent very little time away from family.

So many decisions made, but in the end it is worth it. Getting involved and meeting people is important along with taking classes seriously. You’re paying for them so be serious and do the work, do not screw around. But then again, college is an individual basis, each person will have different experiences. Make the most of it.

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Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls

So this random idea popped into my head at midnight to write about bullying. Having gone through it myself, I know how low people can go and there are so many stories about how people will commit suicide due to this. So I also decided to start a book, entitled “Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls” but it may change, it is still in the working stages as I have barely thought of the concept. Here is the first entry that I envisioned.

 

Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls

 

December 25, 20XX

 

Dear Santa,

 

I know you don’t exist, but it brings comfort to me right now.

I don’t know what to do. This has been too much for me and I feel like nothing can be done. So many people know, so many have taunted and hurt me for what I have done. It was just an accident…

It was an accident. I shouldn’t have gone to that party. But I did. I went and drank. And drank. And drank. I drank so much that I blacked out. But I did recall small things like that I had sex with some guy, I lost my virginity to some guy from school. I was so drunk that I walked half naked around the party.

There were several videos and photos. One even shows me with that guy; he was a kid, maybe a freshman football player. I was called a rapist for that. I was called a slut and pedophile and abuser. I was told I should go kill myself. My locker would get marked with the word “SLUT” and “PEDOPHILE” on a regular basis. I had to leave school. My friends wouldn’t listen to me. Everyone believed the lies. People would throw money at me and ask how much I charged. They asked if I gave that boy a discount for being a minor.

Every day I was attacked. Girls would throw soiled pads and tampons, telling me that I was a filthy as those things. That I was gonna burn with the devil.

On my social media, I would be tagged in photos and videos. Photos of me passed out. Photos of me half – nude. Photos of me with several guys. Photos of me doing things to those guys. One video was of me having sex with that boy…the rest had me drunk and making a fool of myself. I knew I should not have gone. Videos of me pissing on the ground. Videos of me throwing up and crying for help. The laughing, it echoes in my ears.

I turned 17 just yesterday. I wanted to enjoy it I really did. But I also go a lot of videos and photos. Some I had seen, but I also saw some other ones. These idiots even made memes of these photos. I just want all of this to end.

I had such nice dreams. I wanted to have a nice family, with a handsome husband and many beautiful children. Blonde hair, many eye colors if possible. Daughters and sons.

I wanted to go to my dream school and study business. I wanted to work for a Fortune 500 company. I wish I could’ve seen my baby brother grow up. I wanted to see mom and dad live to a 50 year anniversary.

I had so many dreams I wanted to fulfil. But the torment was too much. Every day I shake and every day I cut myself. Today is the day when I leave this world. Maybe I will see a higher power…I will wait and see…

I love you Mommy and Daddy! I love you baby bro, always know that big sis loved you!

Take care of them Santa. I still don’t know why…but it made me comfortable.

I hope I can go quickly…

 

Love you,

Anna Johnson

 

Student Elections

On Monday, October 17th, student elections began! Well, the campaigning began Monday and elections are on October 31st and November 1st. I have already seen posters up by a few and it is amazing how well people are already doing. It will be hard, but I am up for the challenge.

All these people are beyond qualified for the positions they are running for and it will be a very competitive race. But what would a campaign be without competition. Aside from myself, there are 9 others running for Liberal Arts Senator. There are about the same amount running for various other positions except for UTA Ambassador, they have over 40 people running.

This year will be great. Even if people don’t win what they desire, it must always be known that we tried our hardest and had a good time running. It must always be remembered to be humble and gracious.

Let the campaigning begin.

Poem from my book

If you like this poem, there is more like this in my book. Go check out my book by clicking here.

Good for Nothing

 

When was it that I stopped caring for you?

Was it after you had abandoned me?

After you tried to manipulate me?

Was it something else?

Either way I stopped caring.

What you have done to me

Is something I will never do,

Something that is worthy of damnation.

Apparently you care not for your creation,

Or the other things you have made.

Good riddance, for you do not matter to me.

 

Sports: Cheering and Dining

The Sports Fans’ Favorite Past Time

 

Look at my boys go as they throw,

Scaring the opposing team with passes

That make Tom Landry proud!

Look at them go!

I see boxes of food, it’s so good,

And the drinks make it even better,

All of this combined makes heaven real.

The pizza and beer, the nuts and wine

Combined with those throws,

It’s enough to make me die happy.

I throw the beer back and let it drop,

Drop down my gullet to my stomach,

Have it fuel my bones

And loosen my brain.

Down into my intestines it goes,

Mixing with what I binged earlier,

Making me full to where I can’t any more,

But yet I want more in my body,

More food in me to enjoy all of life.

Screams and shouts echo across the stadium,

Our team fumbled the ball,

The opponents are running through the field,

Past the 50;

Past the 20;

No, someone stop them!

Touchdown for that team because of an idiot,

My team is full of idiots. Let me drink

And eat some food, let me feel better.

Bartender! Give me vodka! I need to forget that failure,

Need to not feel this idiotic pain.

Love this suite,

My company pays everything,

I get hammered and full and a good view,

All the perks a fan could want.

More screams echo; the opponents scored again.

God damn them and their children, worthless scum,

They better hope their ride home is disaster free.

Thank fully my vodka is ready.

I throw it back and let it burn, burn everything away,

Let it burn me from the inside.

Where is the food?

Hey! Person! Order me a loaded pizza,

I want it here in 10 minutes.

It better be worth it,

Not like those plays my team did,

Now Tom is rolling in his grave!

Such a pathetic team. Let me throw this back again,

Throw back the liquors, let it mix and seep.

Wait, it already be time?

I do nut know what on right now,

Game end and I need leave but too loose,

No feel in body, stomach too full.

Feel like I’ll throw up.

Time to leave – oh god

It hurts. Yeah, got to go.

Car where? I ohnut remember where I park.

Life in a New World

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I have not posted in a long time and that has been due to me having started my new life in a new city, a city more than 9 hours away from my home in Palmview, Texas. There has been so little time to do anything aside from school or work, that I am simply exhausted by the end of the day and want to sleep. That is why there are so many pictures of college students asleep in weird places, they’re so tired that even a desk table can be a bed.

This new life is interesting. I’ve been alone for a few weeks already and I have learned and dealt with so much, dealt with situations I never though I would ever encounter. I have had to meet amazing and outstanding members of the faculty and excellent student leaders. I have even made amazing friends in such a short period of time. I though that I would be alone and scared and afraid; I will generally be standoffish and prevent people from coming near me. Gladly, that didn’t happen and I allowed myself to interact with others. That is a decision I will never regret, meeting all these amazing people has allowed me to have a sense of pride and joy.

This month of being alone has not been without its bumps in the road. There were a few scares with friends, back home and here at my residence hall. There were instances where I though I might lose someone. There had been times where friends never answered our messages or calls and we didn’t know what had happened to them. On a personal level, I guess I can say that I had anxiety for a good few weeks, either my right hand would constantly be shaking or I would feel antsy. My depression hit with a renowned strength and I felt more alone than ever, even when I was surrounded by my friends. I am so grateful for them, to have them be here, the friend from FLOC, a club I am apart of, or the friends in my residence hall. I am so grateful that they’ve been here to support me with being alone and homesick.

Thankfully I still have family, even though majority live over 400 miles away from me. They are there to have my back and support me with my decision to be here; I couldn’t have asked for more and am beyond grateful to have their support.

It is scary being alone, so far away from family. The only real chance I have to see them is Christmas, and even then it may be a struggle. But now is the time for a new life and so I will take the opportunities I have been given and use them to the fullest of my advantage and advance myself to the best of my abilities.

More writing will be coming soon and I am working on two books! One is a second prose and poetry collection and the other is a coming of age novel in epistolary format. Updates will happen and I will be posting writings soon. Au revoir!